


Jared Kleinman's 4 Steps to Accepting Your Sexuality and Coming Out

by sochill



Series: Knowing and Being Known (in Order to Love and Be Loved) [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:33:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27271246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sochill/pseuds/sochill
Summary: Jared finally feels comfortable admitting to himself and Evan that he's gay, but he isn't sure how to tell anyone else that.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Series: Knowing and Being Known (in Order to Love and Be Loved) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987372
Comments: 9
Kudos: 93





	1. Kiss Your Best Friend. A Lot.

So Jared was gay now. Well, he supposed he’d always been gay. But there was a big difference between seventh grade Jared who went around ignoring the part of his brain that kept drawing his eyes over to hot boys and senior Jared who called himself gay out loud in front of Evan and kissed his male best friend every chance he got. It was different. But holy shit was it relieving. Of course, he hadn’t told anyone besides Evan, so maybe it shouldn’t have felt any different. He still had to shrug when his mom asked about any cute girls at school. He still had to politely laugh off the girl who flirted with him in math. But it was still different. Not because Evan knew. Because _Jared_ knew. Because he didn’t have to rationalize every look at another boy. He didn’t have to explain away the racing heart when Evan was too close to him. He didn’t have to look at girls and convince himself he found them attractive. He was gay. And even though he wouldn’t say it in front of anyone, he knew. And for now that was enough. Well, that and making out with Evan every day was enough.

Kissing Evan was probably Jared’s new favorite hobby. He had kissed a grand total of three other people in his life. The first was his girlfriend in seventh grade who he dated for three weeks and kissed several times despite not understanding why anyone thought it was enjoyable. It was so wet and her lip gloss was sticky (although it tasted like strawberry which was cool.) The second was his bunkmate at computer camp when he was fifteen. He had told Jared he wasn’t gay he just liked to kiss guys sometimes. And Jared had said he also wasn’t gay and he’d never kissed a guy. It was an experiment which stirred up a lot of emotions that he didn’t want to think about. And so the third was a girl he made out with at junior prom in a desperate attempt to cling to heterosexuality. And now Evan was a part of the list too. And he was by far Jared’s favorite. Except when he got all responsible about things.

“Jared, I have homework. I need to go.”

“No.” Jared corrected, kissing him again. “You _need_ to stay here and make out with me.”

“That sounds fun.” Evan admitted. He shut up for about fifteen seconds. “Okay no I really have homework.”

“You suck.”

“Blame the education system.” Evan said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and reaching for his backpack.

“School sucks.” Jared rolled onto his back and looked at Evan upside down. “Do your homework here.”

Evan shook his head. “If I stay here I won’t be able to focus.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” Evan poked his stomach and Jared grunted and sat up. “You’ll distract me.”

“Oh?” Jared wiggled his eyebrows.

“Not like that.” Evan rolled his eyes. “Just because you’re persistently annoying.” He smiled. “But maybe a little bit like that too.”

“Stay anyway.” Jared said. “Let me distract you from your work. I’m very good at it.”

“I know you are.” Evan snorted. “Don’t you have homework too?”

“I am on a journey of self-discovery.” Jared said in a self-important tone. “That is far more important than school.”

He did have homework. But unlike Evan, he’d gladly ignore it in favor of making out. It was a struggle to be dating such a goody two shoes. But somehow Jared managed.

Evan tilted his head. “I don’t think your teachers will accept ‘I’m gay now’ as a reason to not do your homework.”

“That’s homophobic.”

Evan sighed. “That joke is already exhausting.”

Jared had admitted he was gay a week ago. And he’d made that joke approximately nineteen times since then.

“Not appreciating my jokes is homophobia.”

“I’m going home.” Evan finished shoving his things into his backpack and stood up. “Is that also-”

“Yes.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Goodbye.” He pulled the door open dramatically.

“Wait no.” Jared stood up. “I’ll walk you out.”

They walked down the stairs, Jared continuously trying to trip Evan, Evan giggling and elbowing him away.

“Evan, I didn’t know you were here!” Mrs. Kleinman smiled as she came around the corner.

Jared straightened up and took a half step away from him.

“Yeah uh… we were doing homework.” Evan said. Jared knew Evan hated lying to his mom but he did it anyway because he knew Jared hated it more.

“Oh good.” Mrs. Kleinman smiled. “Are you joining us for dinner?”

“Oh no I have h- uuuuh. I have to get home.” Evan stammered.

“Alright. Well, I hope you’ll join us soon.” She called as she made her way around them and went up the stairs.

Jared stared at the floor as Evan pulled his shoes on.

“Hey.” Evan nudged him. “Walk me to my car?”

“Okay.” Jared nodded.

They walked to the car in silence. Jared wanted to tell his mom. One day. Not now. Probably not even soon. Maybe not for years. But at the same time he wanted to tell her right that second. The thought of continuing to lie to her, to pretend he and Evan were always just studying, to keep having to step away from each other… it killed him.

“Alright well, bye.” Evan said, pulling out his keys.

“Bye.” Jared leaned on the hood of his car. “See you tomorrow.”

Evan glanced up to the one window that overlooked the driveway. The curtains were drawn. He leaned forward and kissed Jared. “Bye.”

Jared pulled him back and kissed him again. “Bye.”

“My mom works tomorrow. If you wanna come over after school.”

“Mmmm.” Jared stroked his chin. “Perhaps.”

“You have to.”

“I _have_ to?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes.” Evan nodded, pulling open his door. “It’s biphobia if you don’t.”

Jared finally cracked a smile. “Fine.” He got off of the car. “I can’t have anyone thinking I don’t support the bi’s.”

“See you tomorrow.” Evan leaned forward and kissed him one more time.

“See you tomorrow.” Jared stood in the driveway and waved as he drove off.


	2. Come Out to Your Boyfriend's Mom First

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Evan asked.

“No.” Jared swallowed hard. “But let’s do it anyway.”

Jared wanted to come out. Not all at once. Not to his mom. But he wanted to start somewhere. He wanted someone to know about him and about him and Evan together. So he’d suggested Heidi. He knew Evan was already out to her so it wouldn’t be a problem for him. And it would be good practice for Jared. And of course, they’d finally have somewhere that they could be a couple without having to constantly be listening for footsteps.

So Jared had oh so casually asked if Evan would mind telling his mother that they were dating. And the conversation had gone something like this:

Evan turned very red and said, “We’re dating?”

And Jared had stared at him for a solid minute before saying, “Of course we’re dating you moron. Why do you think we’ve spent the past week and half making out and having sleepovers?”

“Well it’s just,” Evan chewed his bottom lip. “We never talked about it you know? So I just didn’t know for sure if we were. Or if you wanted to.”

“Well, yes we are.” Jared eyed him. “I mean _I_ thought that’s what was happening anyway.”

“Okay.” Evan laid down on his bed. “Good.”

Jared looked at him for a minute. “Didn’t know I had to confirm that for you.” He laughed, turning back to his laptop.

“Well you never said anything.” Evan said from behind his history book. “We just…”

“Made out a lot?”

“Yes.” Evan lowered the book. “But that doesn’t always mean anything.”

“I mean,” Jared glanced at him, frowning. “Yeah but also I did tell you I had feelings for you.”

“Technically you never said that.”

“Okay well I heavily implied it.”

“You know I don’t like implications.” Evan said, rolling onto his stomach and turning a page in his book.

“Right.” Jared snorted. He spun around and rolled his chair over to the bed. “Hey dumbass, I like you.”

Evan made a face at him. Jared rolled his eyes and flicked Evan’s forehead. He spun around and dragged his chair back to the desk.

“I like you too.” Evan said softly.

“Thanks.” Jared said, already typing again. “But I actually figured that one out already. You’re not very subtle. Also, you never answered my question.”

Evan blushed harder and mumbled something about being _very_ subtle and then said no, he wouldn’t mind at all if they told his mother. So there they were.

“It won’t be a big deal.” Evan promised, opening the front door.

“That’s exactly what you’d say if it was gonna be a big deal.” Jared pointed out as he followed Evan into the living room.

“Hey mom.”

“Hi sweetie.” Heidi looked up from the TV. “Oh Jared! I haven’t seen you in a while!”

“Yeah.” Jared cleared his throat. “We’ve been hanging out at my house.”

“We have something to tell you.” Evan said.

“Way to make it obvious.” Jared said under his breath. Evan elbowed him.

Heidi muted the TV and gave them her full attention. “What’s going on?”

“Uh.” Jared looked at Evan who nodded encouragingly. “I’m gay.” Jared said. He felt his face burn. “I mean no- well yes but that’s not what I wanted to tell you. Um, I’m dating your son, Evan.”

Evan stifled a laugh from beside him.

“Oh.” Heidi stood up. “That’s great. Thank you for telling me.” She was beaming at them. Her eyes were watery too, which Jared thought was a little dramatic. It’s not like it was _her_ son coming out.

She stepped forward and hugged both of them tightly. Jared suppressed his groan because it was nice that she was so supportive.

She stepped back and squeezed Evan’s hands. “I’m so happy that you are happy. And that you trusted me enough to-”

“Mom.” Evan mumbled, flushing.

“What? I’m happy for you.” She said. She turned to Jared and smiled even wider. “And Jared honey I’m _so_ grateful that you felt comfortable enough to share this very personal-”

“ _Mom!_ ”

“Okay. Okay. Sorry.” She smiled at them both for another second before sighing and waving her hand. “Alright, go on.”

Evan grabbed Jared’s wrist and dragged him upstairs quickly.

“How was that?” He asked, closing his bedroom door.

“That was… okay. I guess.” Jared shrugged. “Didn’t think she’d get so emotional.”

“Me neither. But she loves you more than me so it’s not that surprising.”

“Yeah yeah she’s great.” Jared waved him off. “But I mean, it’s Heidi. Obviously she was gonna take it well. She’s like never been mad at you for anything ever.”

“Yeah but…”

“But my mom isn’t like that.”

“Okay but she still loves you.” Evan sat down on his bed and patted the spot beside him. “You can do no wrong in her eyes.”

Jared snorted. “Right.” He dropped down and laid his head on Evan’s shoulder.

“Not to um, ruin the moment or anything…”

Jared sighed, he knew what was coming. “Yeah. Yeah. Say it.”

“It’s just,” Evan giggled. “You said, ’your son, Evan’ like, ‘you know, just in case you forgot the name of your only child’.”

“I was nervous!” Jared shoved him.

Evan laughed. “I’m sorry. It’s not funny.”

“It’s kinda funny.” Jared admitted.

He flopped onto his back. Evan laid beside him. He bumped Jared’s hand softly with his own. Jared reached over and slid their fingers together.

“I think I could tell her.” He said quietly. And he meant it.

‘You don’t have to.”

“I am aware of that.” Jared squeezed his hand. “I want to.”

“Okay.” Evan rolled onto his side. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” Jared turned his head so they were nose to nose. “You know I wouldn’t do this just for you.”

Evan smiled slightly. “Of course not.”

“I’m not that nice.” Jared shifted over and kissed him. “Not even to you.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.” Evan said, before kissing him again.


	3. Try to Come Out but Chicken Out at the Last Second

“Today.” Jared said.

Evan jumped. “Where the hell did you come from?”

“That door.” Jared jerked his thumb over his shoulder.

“Right.” Evan rolled his eyes and closed his locker. “Anyway, today? For real?”

Jared nodded. He’d told Evan he was ready to come out to his mom three days ago. Everyday he said, “today for sure.” And then he didn’t and didn’t and didn’t. But now he was really sure.

“I’m ready now. Like really ready.”

“That’s great.” Evan smiled.

“Yeah super great.” Jared felt fidgety. School hadn’t even started yet so he still had all day to freak out. He sort of wanted Evan to hold his hand but he definitely wasn’t ready for this to be a public thing. So he shoved his hands into his pockets instead.

“It’ll be okay.” Evan raised his hand and awkwardly punched Jared’s shoulder.

And for some god damn reason, it made Jared feel better.

“Hey mom.”

“Jared, oh good. I need you to take out the trash for me.”

“Okay.” Jared dropped his backpack. “But I need to tell you something first.”

Mrs. Kleinman frowned as she looked up. “Is everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah.” Jared shifted his weight from foot to foot before eventually sitting down at the table across from her. “Um.”

“What’s wrong my love?”

“Nothing is wrong.” Jared was extremely annoyed that his voice was shaking. “I just need to tell you that um…”

He looked up at her. His mother. Who had always been there for him. Who had always loved him and supported him. Who had always encouraged him to do the things he loved.

And what if all of that changed? What if it was different now? What if it was all conditional? He knew that was an irrational thought but it was still in his head. He knew that sometimes it came out of nowhere. Some parents seemed so accepting until it was _their_ kid. And what if his mom was one of those parents?

“Jared?”

Jared started and looked up. “Um, I just wanted to tell you that… that I got a C on my math test.”

“Oh.” His mother was clearly confused. “Well, that’s not what we expected but it’s okay. You’ll study more for the next one right?”

“Yeah. I will.”

“Alright.” She gave him another look before standing up. “Take the trash out before you go anywhere.”

“Okay.” Jared called as she walked out. He dropped his head onto the kitchen table.

“How’d it go?” Evan said instantly. He’d picked up on the first ring.

“You know the typical greeting is ‘hello’ or ‘hi’ or something like that.”

“Hello. How did it go?”

“Um.” Jared paused. “It didn’t.”

“Oh.” Evan paused. Jared could hear the disappointment in his voice. “Well, that’s okay.”

“It sucks.” Jared’s voice cracked and he cursed his tear ducts. “It’s so fucking stupid. Why can’t I just _tell_ her?” He let his phone fall onto the bed and pressed his hands over his eyes.

“Jared, it’s okay.” Evan’s voice was far away. Jared rolled onto his side to hear him better. “This is a big deal. It’s okay if it’s hard to tell her. You don’t have to do it right now.”

“But I want to.” Jared mumbled. He hated how sad and pathetic he sounded. “I want her to know. I hate lying and sneaking around with you. I just want this to be over.”

Evan said something but Jared couldn’t hear because he was burying his face in his pillow. He rolled over and put his phone on speaker.

“What was that?”

“Are you crying?” Evan sounded alarmed.

“No.” Jared lied.

“Jared…”

“What did you say?”

“Oh. I said I can be there if you want.” He went on when Jared didn’t respond. “Like… I figured you’d want to do it on your own. But if you want me to be there, I can do that.”

“You would sit through that conversation with me?”

“Sure.” Evan said. “If it would make it easier for you.”

“Yeah. I think it would.”

“Okay. Then I’ll come with you.” Evan said simply.

Jared knew that the idea of sitting through someone else’s coming out, especially when he was dating that person, was probably hell for Evan. But he didn’t sound nervous on the phone. He said it so easily. He’d come if it would make Jared feel better.

“What are you doing right now?”

“Homework.”

“Can I come over?” Jared asked. “Just for a minute? I just want to see- I want to to get out of the house.”

“Yeah.” Evan said softly. “Of course.”

Jared drove over to Evan’s and stood in the driveway.

“You can come inside you know.” Evan called as he walked down to him.

“I can’t or I won’t leave and then I won’t do my homework and then I’ll fail physics.” Jared said. He held his arms out and Evan hugged him tightly.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

“Mmmmm.” Jared groaned.

“You’ll get through it eventually.” Evan promised.

“I just…” Jared sighed. “It’s not even _just_ that she doesn’t know I’m gay you know? It also just sucks having to hide the fact that I have a boyfriend.”

Evan stepped back. “Boyfriend?”

Jared raised an eyebrow. “Yes? I thought we already established that we were dating?”

“No I know.” Evan laced their fingers together. “That’s just the first time you’ve said it. It’s cool.”

Jared snorted. “You’re dumb.” He stepped closer and kissed Evan. “And cute.”


	4. Make Your Boyfriend be Present for the Painfully Awkward Conversation with Your Mother and Realize You Like Him Even More Than You Thought You Did

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Evan asked, yet again.

“Are _you_?” Jared raised an eyebrow. He laughed when Evan crossed his arms. “I’m ready Evan.”

“Okay.” Evan nodded. “It’s just, if you’re not… you don’t have to.”

“Dude I’m _fine_. I know you’re nervous and if you don’t want to be here then-”

“No, no, Jared.” Evan stopped him. “I want to be here. It’s just,” He pointed. “That.”

Jared looked down. He was holding his science notebook. And apparently, at some point while he’d been assuring Evan that he wasn’t nervous about his decision at all, he’d started ripping the cardboard cover into little pieces.

“Oh.” He set the notebook and shredded pieces on the table. “Well, I’m still fine. It’s just nervous energy.”

Evan nodded. “Okay. As long as you still…” He trailed off as the front door opened.

They sat there silently, listening as Mrs. Kleinman set down her things and bustled around in the entry way.

“Jared!” She called as she made her way into the kitchen. Jared tensed up and slid half an inch away from Evan on the couch. “I need you to empty the dishwasher and- oh.” She stopped as she finally spotted them. “Evan, honey I didn’t know you were here. How are you?”

“I’m good.” Evan smiled politely.

“You haven’t had dinner with us in so long.” She went on. “Why don’t you stay tonight?”

“Oh, uh.” He glanced at Jared. “Maybe.”

“Wonderful.” She clapped her hands. “Now Jared, I need you to empty the dishwasher before you two lock yourselves in your room all day okay?”

“Okay.” Jared said. Evan nudged him. “Um, mom. Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure.” She called from the kitchen.

“No um, can you come in here?”

“Okay.”

“Actually, can you go get dad too?”

Mrs. Kleinman eyed him but she nodded and went to go get him.

Evan was chewing his lip but when Jared caught his eye he gave him a reassuring smile.

“Okay.” Jared’s parents came into the living room and sat on the other couch. Mrs. Kleinman smiled. “What’s going on honey?”

Jared very suddenly understood what Evan meant when he said he got so nervous he could puke. He cleared his throat. Then he took a deep breath. Then ran a hand through his hair. Then he cleared his throat again.

And then Evan blurted out, “Jared just tell her!”

Jared raised his eyebrows and Evan’s face turned red.

“Sorry.” He mumbled. “I’m sorry. Take your time.”

Jared didn’t really blame him, the silence was getting very uncomfortable.

“What is going on with you two?” Mrs. Keinman said, looking between them.

“Yeah and can you hurry up with whatever it is?” Mr. Kleinman added. “I have work to do.”

“Yeah um, it won’t take long.” Jared nodded. “I just want you guys to know something.” He fumbled for several seconds before Evan realized what he was trying to do and laced their fingers together. “I’m gay.” Jared said, only slightly crushing the bones in Evan’s hand.

“Oh.” Jared’s mom nodded. “Well, that’s wonderful. I’m glad that you told us.”

“Yeah.” Jared’s dad seemed less interested in being reassuring, he was looking at their hands. “And uh,” He motioned between them. “You two are uh… you know.”

“Dating.” Jared supplied. “Yes. We’re dating.” He braced.

“Oh thank goodness.” His father sighed loudly.

“I’m- wait what? What do you mean?” Jared frowned.

His parents exchanged a glance. Finally, his mother reached over and took one of his hands. “Honey, you’ve been so jumpy and nervous lately… we figured something was going on. And after the other day when you said you wanted to ‘tell me something’ we thought it might be something like this. But well… we were worried you were dating that antisocial boy whose sister you hang out with.”

“Connor?” Jared made a face. “No. I’m dating this antisocial boy.” He nodded at Evan.

“And that’s fantastic sweetie.” Mrs. Kleinman beamed at them both. “I’m so happy for the both of you.”

“Evan, you keep him in line okay?” Mr. Kleinman pointed at him.

Evan laughed. “Sure.”

“Now, anything else or can I get back to work?”

“That’s it.” Jared shrugged.

“Alright.” He stood up and ruffled Jared’s hair. “Love you kid.”

“I love you so much.” Mrs. Kleinman kissed his forehead which made Jared wrinkle his nose and shove her away.

“Love you guys too or whatever.” He mumbled.

“You still have to do the dishes though!” His mother called as she started climbing the stairs.

“That went well.” Evan said once she’d disappeared.

“Yeah.”

“I was sort of expecting a little more… emotion.” Evan said. “From you.”

“Yeah well um…” Jared shifted, frowning. “I’m feeling a lot of things. I just don’t really know what they are. Or how to make them stop.”

“I don’t think you need to make them stop. You just need to feel them.”

“I don’t want to feel them.”

“Understandable.” Evan scooted closer and squeezed Jared’s hand. “What do they feel like?”

“Like…” Jared frowned. “My chest is tight. Like it feels like I can’t take a deep breath. And my throat feels… thick.”

“So…” Evan tilted his head. “Like you want to cry?”

“No.” Jared shook his head. “I don’t cry.”

“I’ve seen you cry.” Evan pointed out.

“I’m not going to cry.”

“It’s not a bad thing. Crying is good for you.”

“You would say that.” Jared said. Then he sighed. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Anyway, I’m not gonna cry. I mean, it wasn’t even sad. It went great.”

“You don’t only cry because you’re sad dummy.” Evan elbowed him. “You can cry because you’re happy or… relieved.”

Jared considered this. He shook his head. “Nah. I’m not gonna cry.”

“Fine. Be difficult.” Evan leaned back into the couch. “Go do the dishes so we can go upstairs.”

“Wow. Desperate much?”

“I didn’t mean- shut up.” Evan glared at him with red cheeks. “Go do the dishes.”

Jared leaned over and kissed him. “You’re cute.” He whispered before standing up and heading into the kitchen. 


End file.
